If you’re caring for a loved one and struggling with exhaustion, guilt, or difficult decisions, learn to discern God’s will — and trust Him with what you cannot control.
In this episode of Footsteps to Heaven, Terry Modica talks with Paula Veloso Babadi about her caregiving experiences when her mother was dying.
Like Paula, you may have asked yourself: Am I doing enough? Am I making the right decisions? What if I make a mistake? Such questions can feel especially urgent when caregiving involves medical decisions, your own exhaustion, other family responsibilities, and problems you never anticipated.
Paula Veloso Babadi also shares her deeply personal story in her memoir, Purple Flower on My Nose: A Memoir of Love, Laughter and Letting Go.
Are you wondering?
- How do I know what God wants me to do when I’m caring for an aging parent?
- How can I make difficult caregiving decisions without feeling guilty?
- What should I do when I’m exhausted from caring for a loved one?
- How can I discern whether my loved one should receive hospice care at home or be cared for somewhere else?
- How do I trust God when I’m afraid I’m making the wrong decision for someone I love?
- How can prayer help me find peace when there’s so much uncertainty?
Chapters:
00:11 – God’s Will and the Challenge of Caregiving
02:00 – Paula’s 26 Days of Home Hospice
03:31 – Discerning Difficult Caregiving Decisions
04:42 – Paula’s Mother’s Story and Faith
06:59 – When Caregiving Becomes a Crisis
09:29 – When a Loved One Doesn’t Want a Nursing Home
10:47 – Praying and Taking the Next Loving Step
13:30 – Balancing Caregiving With Marriage and Family
15:47 – Trusting God When Family Doesn’t Understand
17:35 – Finding Peace Through Discernment
19:09 – The Sacred Heart Prayer for Caregivers
21:46 – A Simple Prayer of Surrender and Trust
23:56 – Finding Peace While Caring for a Loved One
26:42 – Trusting God When You Don’t Understand
28:24 – The Emotional Reality of Saying Goodbye
32:09 – Surrendering to God’s Plan in Caregiving
36:38 – A Miracle That Confirmed God’s Direction
38:37 – Don’t Discern Alone: Seek Support and Prayer
40:02 – Psalm 139: Trusting God’s Presence
41:04 – A Blessing for Caregivers and the Grieving
KEY TAKEAWAY: When caregiving decisions feel overwhelming, you don’t have to know everything at once. You can pray, take the next loving step, and trust God with what you cannot understand.
📚 Visit Paula Veloso Babadi’s website: everywherehopetoday.org
Connect with her on Substack
Get her books:
- Purple Flower on My Nose: A Memoir of Love, Laughter and Letting Go
- Everywhere Hope: Encouraging Moments in Prose and Poetry 2nd Ed.
- Everywhere Love: The Highway Home
Excerpt:
Paula Veloso Babadi: When you talk about surrender, I think you also have to, well, “Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in You.”
There were many nights I was sitting up at 3am and I was tired, but I was watching my mother breathe. This was during the later days and, you know, just waiting to see the blanket rise and fall. And, and I just wanted to go to sleep so badly.
Then I remembered — some words came to me that, you know, from a night thousands of years ago: “Can’t you just spend one hour with me?” Because I was praying while I was watching my mother, you know, breathing. And I thought, oh gosh, yes.
So even in the tiredness, I mean, you’re right. It’s hard. There are other issues going on. There are other challenges and problems, but that brought peace. Prayer brought peace because my sister in Kansas city would join us via FaceTime and we would say the Divine Mercy together in the room with my mom.
One of the other things I want to bring up is the waiting. And, you know, I was so questioning, you know, what are we waiting for? What is my mom waiting for? One time when she woke up and was alert, she said, “I’m still here. What am I doing here? I’m still here.”
Other times she’d wake up and she’d be lucid. And she said, “Jesus told me I’m leaving at four o’clock.” Well, oh my gosh, all of us were just like, “Okay, four o’clock.” We’re hovering over her. And my sisters said to her, “Well, did you?” — she said she had a vision and we said, “Well, did you see anything else? What do you see now?”
And she looked at my two sisters standing over her and she said, “Two ugly faces.” So she still had her sense of humor.
She still wanted her tea, but eventually she couldn’t drink tea anymore. We gave it to her in droppers and, you know, eventually on a sponge, and eventually she just couldn’t have any.
But my point in all of that is that in, in the middle of the night or in deciding, you know, “Do I give half a dose of morphine or a whole dose — or what do I do?” I would tell those who are listening that you can’t exactly understand everything or know the whys.
So expect that. What worked for me was, “Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in You.” I don’t understand, but I believe. And, you know, I used to say that over and over again.
And one of the things I did is that I kept a journal, and that was how I released my feelings. So it’s very raw. And what happened was, a couple of months ago, I was going through that journal and one of my sisters and I were reminiscing, and she said, “Oh, Oh, I remember that.”
My mom said some funny things, but then there were hard things too. And so I was reading from my journal to my sister and she was laughing and then she was crying and she said, “Oh, I had forgotten that.”
And it came to me because of that. That’s why I wrote the book, Purple Flower On My Nose. It’s a memoir of love, laughter and letting go.
Terry Modica: Caring for someone at home may not be the right answer, but I think number one, you have to look at the door that’s in front of you and take the next loving step. And then decide by — not whether it’s being easy or not — but by peace. And it may not be easy to say, “I have to send my loved one somewhere else where I’m not going to be there to watch them 24 hours.”
Paula: That’s not an easy decision, but would you have peace? Like in your miracle, you got peace about that.
So look at the door in front of you. God’s going to open that. Take the next loving step. Decide by peace, not by whether it’s comfortable or easy, and don’t discern alone. My sisters and I had great support from my mom’s parish priests and her community. She had so many friends and people that came by to say goodbye in her home.
So don’t discern alone, and then expect to have that trust that we’ve been talking about all along, even if you don’t understand it. And maybe those miracles or signs will come along as you talked about, Terry.
Keep prayers that comfort you in your back pocket, that you can just easily know and say from your heart and not have to look it up somewhere.
So I think if you follow those steps and you ask the Lord for help — He loves each and every one of us. He knows us. He knows when we sit and when we stand, He knows what we’re thinking from afar. He knows when we’re moving. He knows before a word is on our tongue. This is Psalm 139, the beginning of Psalm 139.
I love it. Can I just end with that prayer? That first five verses is, “Lord” — because He loves us so much, He’s not going to leave us alone if we go to him. “Lord, you have probed me. You know me. You know when I sit and stand. You understand my thoughts from afar. You mark my travels and my rest with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord, You know it all. Behind and before, You encircle me and rest Your hand upon me.”
Terry: So anyone who’s facing caregiving decisions or is grieving, God’s hand’s going to be upon you….
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This episode is a companion to Terry Modica’s workbook “Knowing God’s Will and Doing It Well“.
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